Ask Cher Scholar: Interesting Mix Up

An2 On Monday, September 27, 2010, MIchael wrote:

My wife and I have been trying to have a baby for years. We got into a fight this morning about it. She called me later and told me she heard a Cher song on the radio. The song had something to do with a woman picking up someone on the side of the road just to have a baby with him. Do you know what song she may have heard?


Cher has recorded many unwed mother songs, some sleeping-to-get-ahead songs, and some "take me home" songs, but never, and I mean never, has she recorded a song about picking up a guy at the side of the road for the sole purpose of having a baby. That just accidentally happened in "Gypsys Tramps & Thieves."

But that's not what I answered to Michael. To Michael I said:

"Sorry to hear about the fight with your wife! Hope things are better!! I think you are actually thinking of a Heart song called "All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You." The song was written by Mutt Lange which is the guy who was married to Shania Twain (who once did a cover of "Half Breed") but he cheated on her and now they're divorced."
And I left it at that but I have LOTS more to say.

Here are some lyric excerpts:

It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled up along side and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while

I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain
Fate tell me it's right, is this love at first sight
Please don't make it wrong, just stay for the night

All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will you want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to
So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well
We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note

I told him I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden we planted a tree
Don't try to find me, please don't you dare
Just live in my memory, you'll always be there

Ahem. First of all Mutt Lange is a sexist pig and this is a male fantasy song. Pah-leeese.

Later in the song...

Then it happened one day, we came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes
I said please, please understand
I'm in love with another man

And what he couldn't give me
was the one little thing that you can

Second of all, it's kind of creepy a wife would tell her husband about this song when they have trouble conceiving. What's the point of that? Is she thinking of doing it?

And finally, not only is it lacking in judgement of Mrs. Wife to bring up this song in the middle of a fight about conception issues, but she thought Ann Wilson was Cher. I don't think I've ever heard anybody make this mistake before. She must be a young lass. I mean, in the 80s they both belted out power ballads and all, but their voices are so different. I suppose it's a compliment. Ann Wilson is an amazing singer. And she does wear big black curly hair sometimes.

Ask Cher Scholar & New Expert Corner! has a new section: Expert Corner -- more details at the end of this post!

On Wednesday,  January 13, 2009 James Smith wrote: Cherhair3

My question is about Cher's wigs. I do consider myself a huge fan, but something that friends sometimes ask me about is her wigs, and I don't know very much at all. I really really find it difficult to tell with wigs… No matter how hard I look, I simply just can't tell if they're wigs or not.

  1. I know Cher's real hair is apparently long and black, so was it her real hair throughout the 60s and and 70s?
  2. If it was her real hair up until after the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour, when did Cher start wearing wigs? Was it sort of late 70s, after her divorce?
  3. Was the black hair during her Geffen 87-89 period a wig? It is black but it just seems so big...
  4. The hair on the front cover of the Believe album, is that her real hair?
  5. Is it her real hair when she performs “Way of Love” during the Farewell Tour?
  6. I have no idea if you'll know this, but do you know how many wigs Cher owns? I know she has a special room for them, but how many of them are there?!

Cher and wigs: complicated, in a word.

Continue reading "Ask Cher Scholar & New Expert Corner!" »

Ask Cher Scholar: Loretta's Wisdom

Moonstruck-Cher_l On Wednesday, July 20, 2005 Anna Pansini wrote:

How did Loretta, Cher’s character in “Moonstruck”, get to be so wise? I am referring to the scene in the kitchen with Nicholas Cage who says he is miserable because he has no life, but Loretta tells him that he’s afraid because deep inside he knows he’s a wolf that isn’t afraid to cut off his own hand to keep him from getting what he wants in life. My wonderment is from Loretta’s own life – she was married for a short time and then moved back in to live with her parents and has a ho-hum job for a mortician. In the beginning scenes of the movies, she looks and appears drab. She even agrees to marry a drab man with an equally blah life. So where did she get her wisdom?

Loretta is actually a freelance accountant working for a few clients, including her Aunt and Uncle’s convenience store, the mortician and a florist (remember Loretta kissing the rose?). This isn’t spelled out overtly but you can see her jumping from client to client in the first few scenes.

I don’t actually think Loretta is very wise in the beginning of the movie. The movie is really all about her process of getting wiser about the true nature of real love vs. a practical relationship of convenience. The scene in Ronny’s kitchen was really projection and her beginning to think about love in her own life. She can easily tell Ronny what his fears are but she can’t see her own. So she is telling Ronny what she needs to hear herself. Her life has been painful and she has responded by making safe choices or hiding from pain, precisely what she glibly criticizes Ronny for doing. This conversation is the catalyst that gets her to reconsider her choice to marry Johnnie. But at this point, she’s not really wise; she’s just a big talker.

Ask Cher Scholar: Cherokee People

On Wednesday, October 22, 2008 Joanne Nichols wrote:

My 27 year old son and I have a bet.  I say Cher did record and release "Cherokee People" (or is it "Cherokee Nation"?)  he says she did not.  Please help and tell me where I can find the release.

I’ve received this question three times, each time the Cher student is practically positive they have heard a Cher version. I’m not telling Cher fans anything they don’t already know to say Cher never recorded this song.

I guess the more interesting question for us is why does the public at large consistently and passionately insist that she did.

Is it because Cher did cover similar Native-American themed kitschy songs in the 70s?

Is it because the song has a kind of organic Cher sound to it? It’s hard to sing it yourself and not sound like Cher?

There are many better 70s drama-fest songs I would have preferred Cher cover, however: "Son of a Preacher Man," "The Night the Lights Went Down in Georgia" (which Cher was offered, but Sonny turned down and Vicki Lawrence recorded it). Cher did do a cover of "One Tin Soldier" for a Comedy Hour Christmas show.

Cher scholars, what are your thoughts?


Ask Cher Scholar

Sonny_allf Sent: Thursday, 26 April 2007
From: Randie

[Many, many compliments deleted here for the sake of this blog’s attempt at appearing modest.] 

I have been looking all over for a correct version of the S&C “All I Ever Need Is You” album, since it has a lot of my favorite songs on it and it’s been killing me that I don’t have a copy. For whatever reason, there is a version on that isn’t the Real Thing. It’s some sort of compilation with a few live songs—cool, but not what I want. (I’m a little baffled why they would release an album with that name if it’s not the actual album…luckily the cover art tipped me off.) Of course, everytime I search for this album on ebay, it’s the different version that amazon has released. So, anyway, my question is, would you have any idea where I could find the correct version? I understand it’s never actually been released on CD, but anywhere that I could find some sort of bootleg or anything? Yours, Randie

Continue reading "Ask Cher Scholar" »

What Shall We Talk About? the big day arrived this week and reviews are literally pouring in on Cher's Caesar Place show. I don’t want to read them until I see the show next week. I don’t even want to look too hard at the photos. I don’t want to discuss the new stuff until I see it. Which is extremely,  extremely hard!

In fact, for any of the other tours (there have only been three I’ve been able to see live in my lifetime – Heart of Stone, Believe, and Never Can Say Goodbye), I’ve never been able to resist. And I’m getting very, very excited about seeing the show and reading over everybody's thoughts. I just hope I don't get hit by a bus before I can see it! (I always think that right before new Cher product drops).

In fact, I don’t feel like talking about anything else but this thing I can’t talk about!!

But I did post my France pics and here are the Cher-centric ones:


Seine John on the Seine like that Sonny & Cher album back cover pic.
















Don't these chateaux entryways look like Cher's house?? 


Chercem Chercem2_2











I can totally see why Cher wants to be buried at Pere LaChaise cemetery in Paris. It's very goth. I can see her with a tomb not unlike the one above, but hopefully with some subtle half-breed design in the stained glass...hey, for the fans. 








Cher river, Cher valley, Cher county seat...lots of Cherness in the Loire Valley.

I can also take this time to answer a few Cher questions from the blog.

Jimmy wrote:

“AND, Mary, why haven't you digressed about the fact that these unlikely 3 would do something together so out-of-line for their personalities???? love and kisses-jimmy”

Jimmy is right. I could easily do an essay about the old 70s-variety format and how we just don’t get miraculous celebrity combinations singing medleys apropos of nothing like we did back in the day. It’s heartbreaking because I’d watch any show that could convince Bono to sing a Madonna medley with Barney and Tiger Woods. Who wouldn’t watch that?? It’s TV Gold.

Michael asked:

“Okay, so combining "she’s overdue a juicy boxed-set" and "It’s my dream job really"...How about you tell us what you would put in the ultimate Cher box? Anything you ever wanted on CD, DVD, books, whatever. I'm totally curious what you'd put.

There’s so much I could do as curator of a Chersonian Institute. Really, I don’t know where to start. Her video collection needs a serious overhaul.  More and more we’re finding amazing gems of foreign video clips for old Cher hits on the you-tubes.

I haven’t wrapped my head around what a good box-set of CDs would be. I know the mix I normally make my friends has too many non-hits on it to ever make bank. Other than the obvious of doing notes for the four-CD Warner Bros 1975-1977 re-release collection we're so overdue, I don’t know what other regurgitation of her greatest hits I would feel morally okay with dumping into the pile of too-many-already.

I would love to do a coffee-table book of photographs and essays compiled by various writers on Cher’s career and her cultural relevance. That would be the dreamiest. 


The Bf of Cher Scholar Speaks Out

Chenanceua_2 I’m back from my two-week trip to Paris. It’s been a bit of a crazy week managing between personal announcements, dramas, getting back into the swing of work and dealing with my general jet lag and discombobulation being back in the United States. It will take me a bit to get back up to speed with CherStuff.

In the meantime I will make these two small posts. Before our trip my bf answered a question posted by jimmydeanPartee on March 25, 2008: 

I would like to know from your boyfriend -- what it is like being the significant-other of a SONNY & CHER fanatic like you and me...I ask because I know throughout my entire life everyone around seems jealous of my S&C, should IIIII ever get a boyfriend...

First of all, I’d link to point out the fact that this issue of finding a Cher-positive lover was once covered in my first Cher Zine, the answer to which appears on

However, this is John’s personal response:

I admit there was a time when I thought it'd be easier telling my friends I'd joined al Qaeda than admitting I was going to a Cher concert. But, after years of hiding in my cubicle at work surreptitiously listening to the new Cher-mix Mary had purchased off the Internet (which, by the way, always sounded strikingly similar to the last Cher mix Mary purchased off the Internet, except for some mystically incomprehensible rearrangement of the song order), hoping the ex-Marines I work with wouldn't be able to make out the tinny strains of "Do you believe in life after love" coming from my Walgreens headphones, I have honestly embraced Cher. Oh, believe me, there were still frequent moments of awkward silence, for example when I told my Harley-riding, Vietnam-veteran friend Andrew that I was traveling to La Jolla with Mary to hear the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus sing a tribute to Cher a few years back.

But over time, you begin not to notice the blank stares and gaping mouths so much, sort of the way black people, midgets, and hair bands must feel when they stop at hillbilly truck stops and must go in and order lunch from some toothless waitress who's afraid to approach their table for fear of catching something. But honestly, all it took was one trip to the Cher Convention and I was hooked. I met some of the most sincere, fun, and yes, completely obsessed people I've ever met (and I'm a former drunk!), and I love every one of them.

So, when you ask me what it's like living with a Cher fanatic, I'd have to say it's like 1962 and I'm a 26-year-old short Sicilian dude from Inglewood who just met a 15-year-old runaway dropout who looks kinda hot and I'm thinking to myself, maybe, just maybe, there's something here. In other words, it's pure excitement.

And, besides, you haven't lived until you've made love in a Sonny and Cher costume...I still haven't found that damn mustache!

Note to readers from Cher Scholar: I saw many things that reminded me of Cher in France (more pictures of such to come but here’s one above: the fabulous chateau Chenonceau on the Cher River). It was truly a trip of a lifetime in many ways, the highlights being the amazing food we ate, the mind-boggeling history (from Roman ruins to Napoleon’s tomb to James Joyce and Ernest Hemmingway sights near our lovely hotel in the Latin Quarter), and the walk home after one diner at a Turkish cafe (where I got a little tipsy on a small bottle of Turkish wine) where near the steps of The Pantheon my bf proposed marriage. After three years of witnessing wonton Cher obsession, my nagging health issues (my knee completely gave out in Paris and I swear I'm in the beginnings thoes of menopause), I answered simply that I hope he knows what he’s getting into.


Questions to Cher Scholar

94sanctuary_s_3 On Thursday, October 5 2006 Michael Cox wrote:

Hi, u know where I can buy Sanctuary items? Thank u J.

Mr.Cox is Referring to two catalogues from 1994 and 1995.

Unfortunatley he missed the era of her catalogue business in the mid-90s. He also  95sanctuary_sc missed her selling off some of the over-stock on her website during the Believe and Farewell Tours. And now he's just missed her latest garage sale. So...short of stalking eBay for the catalogues, I’d suggest heading over to Europe yourself to find your own gothic tchotchkes. Well,'s not that drastic yet.

My own eBay search brought up a gothic trash can







and towel holder.







At first I freaked out, thinking that towl holder had been mounted askance in some sort of wood-paneled On Golden Pond cabin. But the towel holder is just eBay-posing on a hardwood floor. Everybody calm down.

Do your own search:

A Sanctuary artist talks about a necklace designed for Cher on the site Parrish Relics. Parrish Relics? Sounds like good times.

Here's a New York Times article published when the catalogs came out. The article contains interesting facts I must have missed comprehending back then, including:

  • “In London, she met Clyde Wainright, a curator at the Victoria and Albert Museum, and became entranced with his recent exhibition on the work of A.W. Pugin, a 19th Century architect who popularized pointy Gothic arches for country estates.” Remember this was a common theme during the late 2006 Cher auction...all that Pugin-stuff.
  • “Cher’s public relations representative [I wonder if that was a fun job or a hair-pulling-out job] say the "image of the Sanctuary customer is a woman between 20 and 45.”

I don't know why that's interesting...but for some reason it is. When the catalogue came out, I was tempted to buy the incense because it was cheap. But then I realized I hate incense. My celebrity obsession hits a limit with smells I hate.

Incense1_2 Incence2


Cher's Name

Lanaturner On Friday, December 17 2004 Alicia Q. wrote:
How did Cher get her name?

Cher's birth name is known in biographies to be Cherilyn Sarkisian. I don't feel up to figuring out the mess of her adopted names, including that mess of a name she used circa meeting Sonny Bono. It's never spelled the same: La Pierre/La Piere/Lapierre/Lapiere. Like Susan Sarandon in Witches of Eastwick - sometimes I just can't face it. Sarkisian is Cher's Armenian father’s name. Remember what Dyan Cannon said to Al Pacino in the movie Author! Author!? All Armenian names rhyme with Armenian.

Cher's mother Georgia named her first daughter Cherilyn after Georgia's friend Lana Turner’s daughter, Cheryl Crane. Incidentally, Cheryl Crane murdered Lana Turner’s mob boyfriend Johnny Stampato in 1958. Thankfully Cher is not into mob hits of that nature. I'm sure there must have been a Georgia husband or two she didn't care for.

Ever wonder what the other Cheryl's up to?