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December 2009
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Reasons Why I Will Never Run a Cher Fan Club


Last week I joked about running an underground Cher fan club. But I've come to realize I am not a person who would ever do this.



  1. I am antisocial and the last person on earth who should be running a social club. I recently told my therapist that if I could get away with it, I would be one of those creepy persons who never left their house and had food delivered once a week. I’d only come out for my periodic garage sales which I would have in order that I wouldn’t end up in a Collier’s Mansion. I may be antisocial, but I hate clutter.
  2. It would leave me no time for Getting a Life. Time consuming.
  3. It's a muddy and thankless job and attracts fan-freaks like a mad-magnet.
  4. It would step on somebody's sensitive toes. Cher fans and their competing turf wars depress me.
  5. If you want a snarky Cher newsletter, hit File on your browser menu and click "Print"

An American Treasury of Torch Singers

AvettbrothersI've been hearing a  plenty of songs Cher should cover, starting with "Go To Sleep" by The Avett Brothers (who were incidentally on Austin City Limits this week). It's gritty and it's lovely and the lyrics are hard-worn with a bouncy melody.

You know, they told me I could just take my money and leave.
I hope the people on the ground will understand.
I hope the people in the crowd will understand.

Lay back, lay back, go to sleep my man.
Wipe the blood from your face and your hands.
Forgive yourself if you think you can.
Go to sleep, go to sleep a man.

Daniel Merriweather is another new artist I love. Particularly his song with Adele, "Water and a Flame."

But nothing gets me thinking about Cher more than listening to Nina Simone. Simone's torch singingNinaSimone is fiery. She has her own vocal limitations I suppose, a vibrato (but who complains about her vibrato?) and a voice that cracks from time to time. But she evokes a fabulous atmosphere, so much like dramatic costumery and scenery, and she makes you feel, the same feeling Sonny rhapsodized about on many a Cher album liner note of yore.

The most attention-grabbing performance at all is a great torch song.  Riveting. I'm reminded of the way Barbra Streisand used to attack every song like an Oscar performance. I hear Nina Simon sing "I Need Some Sugar in my Bowl" and I think Cher could do that. If she was ever tempted to sing something so erotic and brazen. Torch is the perfect mash up of glitter on gritty.

I just added Cher to the Wikipedia entry for "Torch Song." I hope it sticks.

Three Cher Jokes I Am Deathly Tired Of

In the movie Silkwood, Cher's girlfriend, the makeup artist, had a great quote: "I am sooo tired of your jokes."


JMcV1dXkCD2eEoQ 1. Sonny Bono is short
Roseanne dug this one out of a coffin recently. The joke is older than cable; it's geriatric; and exposes nothing note-worthy other than the advanced age of the person telling it.




People 2. Cher is made of plastic materials
The in-the-know-adage today goes that it's hard to find an actor or actress in America over middle age who hasn’t had “work done.” Sad but true. Modern reality just makes the Cher joke a moot point and has all the surprise and subtlety of a beaten dead horse.


Keith_Richards 3. The only thing to survive a nuclear holocaust will be cockroaches and Cher
There are so many things wrong with this joke, my head spins trying to decide where to begin. First of all holocaust equals comedy killer. Second, they say the same joke about Keith Richards. So who will it be? Richards or Cher? Or is it supposed to be both? Well, then it's just not funny: cockroaches, Keith Richards and Cher. And finally, the thing that bothers me most about this joke is that it belittles the awesome achievement that is surviving in Hollywood and still getting job offers five decades straight. For real, you can throw a dime anywhere in LA and hit an out-of-work actor, singer, or still-famous person. Even they can’t get hired! I heard the other day someone say, only in LA can you go to an old apartment building you once lived in and run into some actor living there who used to be on a television show you loved in the 1970s (or 80s or 90s!) Lasting longer than 10 years in entertainment is rare, rare, rare, rare and rare. Hundreds and hundreds of people have made it their life’s only mission to keep trying that feat. And they will all fail. If you think it 'aint so hard, let’s see you do it. 

Here’s a clip of Cher winning a Golden Globe for Silkwood in the early 80s -- with her charming, old teeth, Chastity with a mullet, and Jeff Bridges announcing her name and then standing behind her while she accepts. Which is pleasant symmetry with two Sundays ago at the 2010 Golden Globes when Cher announced a Golden Globe winner for Jeff Bridges' current movie.

Cher winning a Golden Globe for Silkwood -- that was over 25 years ago!

News: Cher Homes and Burlesque Leaks

A Cher-Renovated Home Sells

I wonder if these Cher-houses have some kind of Cher-seal on them (maybe over the front door). You know, like an Oprah-selected book.

Cher has auctioned her newly designed home at Hualalai Resort in Hawaii for $8.72 million. Cher bought the land in 2009 for $2.9 million. Ka-ching!

Hold me closer, tiny bathtub:


Luxury his and hers:


Come on in! We're playing board games!


Lawn chairs in the pool:


The story:

More photos:

Burlesque Song Leak!

Christina_Aguilera_2006_pr From the paparazzi hanging around the movie production to the constant news stories on comments from the stars to the “leak” of this Christina song the week, hype about Burlesque is HOT. Is it just the accidental zeitgeist of a cast and storyline we love or is rather good public relations? Who knows.

In any case, here is a hodge-podge of online commentary that surrounded the leak:

 “Spotlight,” a new track for the Burlesque soundtrack, made its way to YouTube in full today after floating around for about a week as a very short snippet.

The track has a retro, throw-back feel much like Aguilera’s last studio album, Back To Basics, with big horns and finger snaps throughout. She teases with one catchy line stringing the movie and song together: “Get your ass up, show me how you burlesque!”

It’s a throwback to the 40s, spiced with touches of jazz, pop, blues, swing, and big-band. It isn’t new ground for Aguilera like it was back in 2006. But her voice fits those stylized retro songs so well.

“Spotlight” does, however, pique our curiosity about Burlesque — what decade is it set in? Will the film’s soundtrack will span various musical genres (as did Christina’s last major movie vehicle, Moulin Rouge)?. In any case, we’re stoked for November 2010, the movie’s scheduled release date...

… people involved in the making of the soundtrack is top-notch producers Danja and Christopher "Tricky" Stewart as well as singer/songwriter Sia Furler.

One story:

Most of the song links posted yesterday have already been taken down after studio pressure. Far be it for me to incur the wrath of that big business. But here’s the bad news for them: in the Internet century, once something is out, it’s pretty much out for good…like a sneaky little moth, that's hard to catch and pretty soon you have a zillion baby moths all over.

Search, my Cher-fan comrades, and ye shall find.

The Golden Globes

Onsage We’re all very excited about the appearance on The Golden Globes last Sunday (the Associated Press’ big to-do every year). Cher looked mahvelous. Below are some of the blog comments from the event. I notice we are back in a period of public Cher love these days, which is nice. Even the snarky bloggers who crack the plastic surgery jokes ad nauseum still can’t hide their appreciation for Cher right now.

This blogger thought she could have worn something more shocking as she does.

“I think you look pretty good, actually. But still, you know, CHER-Y. I mean, you are outrageous. This is actually pretty low key for you. You could have gone way crazier.”

This blogger reminded us that Cher mis-pronounced Michael Giacchino’s name, which reminded me of the Oscars presentation back in the 70s. Didn't Cher mispronouncing Marvin Hamlisch’s name? And by some fateful coincidence, Hamlisch was a nominee in her presentation category again 30 years later. It’s like that faux pas could have happened again!Cher

“Best original score and original song presenter Cher (below, with Christina Aguilera), mangled the name of best score winner Michael Giacchino (for Up), calling him "Michael Giancino," while Felicity Huffman, of both Desperate Housewives and Transamerica, made a funny mess of her Hollywood Foreign Press Association announcement. "This was not at all how it was gonna go," she exclaimed at one point, before telling the audience and the millions of television viewers that the HFPA has donated "$10 million to film-related charities."


I have to agree with this blogger below. But who am I to say? Maybe one of them needed emotional support from a sistah that night. 

“Burlesque co-stars Cher and Christina Aguilera. They even held hands! So adorable. And weird.”Gallery_main-christina-aguilera-cher-2010-golden-globes-awards-red-carpet-photos-01172010-07

In a blog bashing Demi Moore:

“In sharp contrast, immortal singing sensation, Cher, managed to get herself to the event to co-present with Christina Aguilera. The undead Cher look remarkably life-life in her burlesque-inspired gown, which showed off just the right amount of reconstituted flesh.”

I love “immortal singing sensation” on so many levels.

A shopping blog? From here come some good details on the fashion.

“Cher went a big goth with a black gown featuring a laced up asymmetrical neckline. Her hair Christina-aguilera-golden-globes-2010-red-carpet-03 and makeup were especially pretty. Christina looked stunning with her new bob, subdued makeup and a peach Versace chiffon gown with fitted bodice. Christina accessorized with jewelry by Webster and a clutch by Judith Lieber.”

Lotta pics here:
Video of the presentation:
Video of an after -arty interview

The last picture looks like Christina shows real affection for Cher.

Can I just say, the site Cher World rocks.


The MIA Fan Club

Fanclub Saying that Cher World rocks is a good segue into something that does not rock. The Cher Fan Club.

Some history as I know it: this club has been controversial from time to time. I was a member the first year it existed, back when I lived in Yonkers, New York and we were snail-mailed black-and-white newsletters. I got the requisite autographed picture but didn’t love the newsletters; so I dropped out. Years later I heard stories of fans paying but getting locked out of the online version of the club. There were some bad-blood posts on the Cher lists.

Honestly, all official things get punched about by fans. So I decided to see for myself what being a member of an online fan club was all about, especially as an experience for this blog. But as it happened, the club was offline when I started the blog. So I waited for over a year for the re-launch. I was prepared to do a decent review of my year’s experiences. It wasn’t the greatest thing ever but it was fine. I received mostly friendly emails and they had some fun, Cher-related contests and giveaways...none of which I ever won but I was looking forward to a new year of trying.

But then...I tried to renew.

Continue reading "The MIA Fan Club" »

TV Alert and A Happening in Movieland

Christina-cher-010710-2 First things first: Cher will be a presenter this Sunday on the Golden Globes: 

Don't miss it.

Next, there's very exciting news for Cher fans right now on the movie front.

Movies are coming! Movies are coming!

Let's take an inventory. According to imdb, Drop Out is still in pre-production and not much information has been assembled on it (hmmm--not good news.) But Zookeeper is already in post-production with a release date of Oct 8! Yipee!

And Burlesque is filming even as we speak.

Last week, film action was seen on the streets of Hollywood with pictures and video posted on the Internet immediately. It has the looks of unwanted paparazzi. Which brings us to an interesting point:  Cher is making movies now in the hyper-media blogging age. Filming a scene on the street now is hard to hide. Internet news cycles now provide near-real time sneak peaks into things.

I can’t imagine this scenario during the filming of Witches of Eastwick (by the way, what happenedWitches_of_eastwick_003 to this orgiastic scene from the movie? Does anybody ever wonder where this still came from?). As it turned out, I was visiting my brother in Massachusetts when Witches was soon to be in production there. The locals were the only ones who knew of upcoming filming dates because extras were being sought.  I don't know if filming ever happened there (people from Wicca created a fuss), but I felt like such an insider for knowing even that measly piece of information. Much has changed.

Here are many shots of Cher on Burlesque filming January 7:

What's your vote on that jacket?

Below is actual video from the filming:

The release date for Burlesque is November 24, which is earlier than the previous estimate of 2011. Let's hope everything goes well.

I just want to say...this movie is full of the beautiful people.

Christina Kristen



Okay, maybe not Alan Cumming.

The Dawning of a New Piece of Great Cher Literature

Spv1Now that Cher Scholar has been married off, now that Christmas is over and the New Year has been kick-started, now that Mark McGuire has finally admitted to using steroids, we are free to move on with all lives, to start being productive citizens in the world, to start contributing great art and literature into the universe once more.

Yes, I'm talking about the third issue of the Cher Zine.

It's been too long.

But I'm ready to face it again. I just need your help.

Zine2 The zine is looking for fan art, poems, fan fiction, DVD reviews, CD reviews and, most especially, concert reviews from the 1982 or earlier, 1960s and 70s shows particularly.

If you know anyone or you yourself have anything of this nature to contribute to the third compilation of all things thoughtfully Cher, please contact me or have your Cher pals contact me.

Another literary Cher monument is sure to be made. 

For more information about the contents of the prior zines


Burlesque News is HOT / Cher on TV

Christina_cher Kristen Bell finds working with Cher and Aquilera spicy! Might turn lesbian.

Stay tuned.

In other news, Cher will make an appearance on the Golden Globes with Aguilera Sunday January 17:

Who will wear the more shocking outfit and hair-do??


Beware of the Sconces

Sanctuary2 I’ve found it really hard to get back into the swing of blogging since the holidays came and went. Post-Wedding, then Thanksgiving. Christmas.  Parents visit for New Years. House is a mess. My space is cluttered. My head is feeling cluttered and lethargic. There are poetry and other writing projects I’m itching to do. But all I seem to have the energy for is curling up on my couch with my Furkid, a mimosa, and a book. I’ve got about six of them going: The book of essays about Sarah Palin, Going Rouge, Pattie Boyd’s biography, Wonderful Tonight (I can’t resist co-dependent rock-star wife stories), Mastering the Art of French Cooking (to read for tips, not to make any of the recipes, are you kidding me?), The Collected poetry of Edna St. Vincent Millay,  and Richard Wright’s biography.

Wright is one of my favorite writers and I’ve always wanted to explore more about his writing style, there’s so much going on there, not to mention the drama surrounding his life. There's the dramatically racial component of his life which overshadows his craft, for better or worse. I just wanted to learn what his influences were. But it's impossible to separate that out from his experiences inter-racially.

I'm tempted to cope with my lethargy by shopping. Buying a sconce wason my list of things to do. However, Cher Scholar, Robrt Pela, recently commented to beware of the sconces.

Are they flammable? Are they agents of big brother? In poor taste? Are they a portal to the netherworld. A poor investment? All of the above? 

Well, lucky for me I am broke. Or at least I plan to be broke after I purchase the new Google Phone tomorrow.