In the meantime, it's a bit gloomy this year as holidays go: what with nobody having any money, all the financial scams being exposed (in both the private and government sectors), pitiful economy news day after day, shopping homicides (!), less sunlight, post-election withdraw, too many parties and obligations between Thanksgiving and the big day, right-wingers still insisting we all say the word Christmas, Christmas, Christmas 40 times a day because they’re inherently intolerant of sharing their holiday with other belief systems (where is the love, y’all?), a barrage of slashed-priced store sales reminding us how desperate the retail industry is, and my favorite holiday grievance--poorly strewn holiday lights on front lawns. I really hate that. I can’t stress this enough. I think subliminally it makes us all very grouchy. (for an example of bad Christmas decorating, see the Sonny & Cher Show set below; who hung that red garland so sloppily?) And people who can’t manage to string up their lights properly are always too lazy to take said atrocities down in a timely manner--which is January 1st people; it’s why you get the day off.
Day off/Lights off: just remember that.
I’m in the process of compiling my favorite Xmas songs this year for 8 glorious hours of listening on Christmas Day. My bf threatened to bury my iPod to prevent this from happening.
As it happens, Cher fans have been lobbying for a Cher Christmas album for quite a while. This could be a brilliant happening or it could be disastrous. That predicament encapsulates the great excitement of being a Cher fan right there. As it stands the only Cher Xmas tracks available are "O Holy Night" Listen (Cher) and “Jingle Bells” (Sonny & Cher trying to sound very hip – it’s funny) from their first variety show found on a compilation Xmas CD I once bought at JC Pennys and Cher’s duet with Rosie O’Donnel, “Christmas, Baby Please Come Home” (the U2 song not to be confused with “Please Come Home for Christmas” by the Eagles) available on Rosie’s Christmas duet CD.
My own Cher wish list for Christmas songs includes her singing “Little Altar Boy” (done previously by The Carpenters) which is so utterly melancholy. I love sad Xmas songs, my all time favorite being the bittersweet one by Judy Garland "Have Yourself A Very Merry Christmas" from the movie Meet Me in St. Louis.
I would also give my kingdom to hear a mash-up of Cher doing the aforementioned “O Holy Night” as a duet with Cartman’s hilarious South Park version. I smell instant cult hit. And let’s face it, a Cher Christmas album would sell well on a tinsel-strewn shelf of the Caesars Cher store next fall.
Cher Scholar’s List of Depressing Xmas Songs
(just be glad I won’t be listing Wham’s "Last Christmas")
- Have Yourself a Very Merry Christmas – Judy Garland
- Little Altar Boy – The Carpenters
- Hard Candy Christmas – Dolly Parton
- Blue Xmas – Miles Davis
- Silver and Gold – Burl Ives (from the tragicomedy Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer)
- You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch – Thurl Ravenscroft (a.k.a. Tony the Tiger)
- Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy – Bing Crosby and David Bowie (not bloody likely which makes this song so sad)
- River - Barry Manilow (yeah, he Christmas-ified Joni Mitchell’s song from her Blue album)
- I Believe In Father Christmas – Emerson Lake and Palmer (one version has a lame ending – beware of that version)
- White Christmas – Otis Redding
- Box of Money – Pearl Bailey
- Alone on Christmas – Darlene Love from Home Alone (Darlene is the sh*t)
- Merry F*cking Christmas – South Park
- All I Want For Christmas is You – John Waite
Depressingly Cheerful Songs
- With Bells On – Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton (pretty much any Christmas song by Dolly Parton greatly increases my holiday spirit against my will)
- Mary’s Boy Child – Boney M. (loved to dance to this one when I was 9 in 1979; which I still do but now I like to pretend I’m a Peanuts character)
- Jingle Baby – Stephanie Mills (It’s sexy and I can see Cher doing it)
- Joy to the World – Mariah Carey (hate the drum machine but kind of like her mash-up of the traditional with the Three Dog Night song – joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea!)
- God Bless Us Everyone – Celine Dion (guilty pleasure)
- The First Noel – Air Supply (see above)
- Holly Jolly Christmas – Burl Ives
- Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy – Buck Owens
Best of the More traditional:
- I Wonder as I Wander & Ave Maria – Barbra Streisand
- Agnus Dei – Amy Grant
- Children, Go Where I Send Thee (I only have a Michael McDonald version but I’m sure there must be a better one out there)
- Santa Claus Is Coming to Town – Cyndi Lauper and Frank Sinatra (odd but it works)
- Here Comes Santa Claus – Elvis Presley (classic Elvis and fun to sing along)
- Silver Bells – Dean Martin (see Elvis entry above)
- The Christmas Song – Mel Torme (no one else should sing this one)
- TLC’s Sleigh Ride (more cautious sounding than cheerful)
- The Chanukah Song, Part I and II (Adam Sandler)
- Original Heat Miser/Snow Miser songs from Year Without a Santa Clausare not available on iTunes but you will find the band Bag of Donuts’ trying to be fierce with "Heat Miser" (with "I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke" tacked on at the end), Crash Vinyl doing an agro-flaming version of "Snow Miser," and Miami Relatives doing a groovy expanded version of “Put One Foot in Front of the Other” from Santa Claus is Coming to Town.
- Carol of the Bells – South Park (um-kay)
- That drunken ramble by The Pogues - Fairytale of New York
- I Hate Christmas – from Scrooge(our version is Anthony Newley from The London Cast but he loves the TV version with Albert Finney—and who wouldn’t?)