Rejected Blog Title #1: When My Bloggies Have Dollies
Chastity Catch-up

Signature Cher

AutobasicgI’m feeling sleepy tonight so I’ll keep this sucker short. Some news: CherWorld reports Cher is busy working on a new album and Diane Warren is rumored to be penning some of the material. If you’ve read my album reviews on Cher Scholar, you know I’m not a big fan of this 80s songstress. The hooks sound really simplistic to me and the lyrics really wack you over the head. “Turn back time. Find a way.” No nuance. No depth. Certainly no “My eyes saw red but the cards still stayed black” or “I play games now but it’s not fun” or “you’re as cool as Colorado, Orpheus on fire.” But hey, that’s just me. Warren is a true blue hit-maker. I'm sure a song by her would chart a new wing on the Cher compound.

There’s also continued rumbling today on the big Yahoo group about the fact that Cher has still not signed the hardback catalogs fans purchased over a month ago before the auction. Someone posted a Sotheby’s response email pleading like John Malkovic in Dangerous Liaisons: “It’s beyond my control.” Fans supporting Cher’s procrastinations of signature duty are claiming she was kind enough to sell you her stuff for thousands of dollars, give the diva some space to redecorate her yurt. I’m thinking, as a fan and as an auction house, you probably shouldn’t commit to sales of Cher-signed stuff until you have boxes of them in your hot little hands. I’m reminded of an old 80s Naked Eyes song called "Promises, Promises." ("You made me….promises, promises. Why did I believe???") That’s probably what Sotheby’s and some Cher fans without hardback catalogs are feeling right now. I’m beginning to feel for them, myself. Here’s an idea: print off the Cher signature in this post, white-out the date and Elmer-glue it to your paperback catalog. Write yourself something nice like “You are my number one fan and I’ll be over Sunday for tacos.” In thirty years when you open up your Cher box in the nursing home, you won't remember the difference. 

Also posted on Chergroups, this link to an Oprah After Show in 2004. Here Cher was put in a very awkward position when asked if she would attend the 2004 Cher Convention coming up in Las Vegas. She adeptly skirts the issue and scuttles on by it without giving even an opinion of the convention fundraiser. It’s certainly an odd thing about the convention: Cher never mentions it in any positive way and sort of exudes a vague sense of discomfort concerning it. I often wonder if Cher fans and Cher don’t mix at the end of the day. Interpersonally, she’s just too cool for her hard cores. Because they’re the sort of people who might get beat up at school or in the smoking lounge at work. By Cher.

And my mood is not helped any by seeing that awfully unfunny Chevy Sumo-Wrestler ad playing all the time with that very stilted version of "I Got You Babe." 

All in all, it was a very hard day to be a Cher fan. 



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