I Found Some Blog...by Cher Scholar

We Can’t Turn Back Time and Make This IGYB Cover Any Better

So Cherkids, I’m leaving. And I’m going to be gone for a few weeks…like a few weeks meaning three.  Three whole weeks. Please don’t forget me when I’m gone. Please don’t buy an overabundance of Olivia Newton John albums. And please don’t take any wooden nickels. Just be good. Be safe. Is that too much to ask? I’ll getting married. By some miraculous stroke of universe functioning. So just keep it cool for a little bit. Okay?

But before I go, I do what to leave you with two small Cher items for discussion in your own small groups and committees:

I received this note from my friend Coolia a few days ago.

Subject: Top 40 1989

I was just listening to a countdown by the original VJs on Sirius radio from the top forty of this week in 1989. Cher came in at 38 with just like Jesse James and 35 with turn back time. The VJ said that turn back time reached #3. I thought it hit #1, no? Also they had a quote from Cher saying she didn't like Jesse James because it had too many lyrics

So I wrote back saying TBT, although one of Cher’s iconic hits, only made it into the top ten, reaching  #3. Although it did reach #1 on the Adult Contemporary Chart and it did hit #1 in Norway allegedly although I wasn’t there to confirm this. So why did it stall out at 3? Does anyone want to put forth a theory?

This also passed my desk this week: David Bowie and Marianne Faithful singing IGUB.

I dig this crazy version, I really do...including the ending guitar riff, the nutty backups and Marianne’s muck ups.

…but “We won’t find out until we go?” Does he mean until we kick it? What are your thoughts?

Please discuss all Cher-matters with civility and respect for all diva-creeds. Larger things are happening in the world…like my wedding. :-)

Wedding Bell Blues

So as you can see, I Found Some Blog is in virtual hibernation as I happily slog through wedding duties. I’m actually having a really great time compiling our programs and cutting down songs. Everything is falling into place. Knock on wood.

I was thinking last night that in many ways this has been a fairy tale wedding in planning (knock on wood again), from the Parisian proposal to the awesome invitations, to all the ideas and creative bells and whistles John and I have contributed to the basic structure of a wedding, which has made the process more fun for us, hopefully more entertaining for our friends, and so much more personal and meaningful.

But there have been a few snags, as there always is. And in a strange way, John and I have bonded over this as well. In a sad way, it has furthered the fairy tale motif: feeling rescued by a Prince Charming from childhood troubles and sad relations with certain family members.

The only grief over this wedding (and I do use the word strongly) has not been over bridezilla-eque wedding details gone awry, but family drama.

Now both my therapist and my good friend Ann warned me over a year ago that weddings often bring out the worst in families, especially narcissistic family members. And I have some of those…not all of them (there have been some in my family who have been very helpful to us during this time)…but there’s been some whopper moments from the others.

Weddings are clearly a case of something that is all about you. And narcissists have two ways of dealing with that: they will either parade around like peacocks in order to draw attention back to them or refuse to participate altogether...in any case, keeping things squarely all about them and their needs on what is to be your very special day. All advice (online, on the couch, over drinks) recommends holding steadfast to yourself. In this time of your life, it really is all about you.

It’s still heartbreaking when it happens. And I have to say, a few relationships have been changed as a result.

Putting together my wedding has been mostly an awesome experience that I’ve enjoyed immensely. Cataloging my worst day to my friend Ken, he said “I am sorry you are going through this...weddings bring out the worst in people.” 

So between the actual happy moments of the past few weeks and the head-shaking f*#k-ed up moments, this is the reason I have fallen off monitoring Cherabouts. I have no idea what’s going on in Cherdom but I have plugged in The Best of Cher into my CD player a time or two just as a coping mechanism.

I do seem to recall Cher’s mother giving Cher these comforting words: “If it doesn’t matter in five, years, it doesn’t matter.” Unfortunately, I do think some of my experiences lately will still matter in five year. But it is comforting to think of your trials in the context of geological time, which is why this song by Beth Neilson Chapman comforts me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9z1Fc7hUYs

“Solid stone is just sand and water baby,
 sand and water…and a million years gone by.”

You know what else cheers me up sometimes?

PUPPIES!

These two handsome gentlemen are seen as cruising the streets of LA
(pic taken by their chauffeur Julie W.)

Circling Back

So the wedding is in high gear, just under 60 days away. We’re busy deciding things, arranging things, assembling things. The table cards that I made, like the seating cards, had to be redone by the designer who did the invitations (I have good ideas; but suck at execution). We’re getting great feedback on the invite and I’ve been stressed about the more Me elements of the wedding, like my hair, my skin, my weight. But we’re scanning for readings, organizing favors and all that stuff.

Meanwhile, I saw Big Fantwo weekends ago and although it was really good and Patton Oswalt’s performance was Oscar-worthy, I was essentially disappointed that his character never, not for a moment, was able to see his own self-destructive behavior. Not even a glimpse of it sideways in a mirror. So there was no growth there, which to me was essentially nihilistic and depressing.

And maybe character growth wasn’t this writer/director’s big aim; but seeing the failings of the modern celebrity-obsessed for an hour or so on the big screen without some kind of insight seems like pointless entertainment, or rather...more of the same thing that it describes.

But I did take time to watch the Roseanne video of Cher and Chaz, mostly due to the good comments it received in response to my last post. Let me just say comedy is highly subjective and there were no big LOLs for me here.

Cher is dressed circa the 90s, but makes asides to the camera like on her TV show in the 70s. Chaz is just a big bear of a guy in a blond wig and rainbow shirt. I get it.

I did get some low-level chuckles: rhyming beaver (bevah) with diva, the basement full of Sanctuary knick-knacks, the pink berry joke got a snort, as did the f-ing retarded headdress line. But Cher’s actress sounded too whiny for me and the writing was way too talky.

By the way, Roseanne didn’t write or appear in these skits. She just produced them.

In episode 2, Sonny makes an angelic appearance, but looks more like Michael Jackson. The Elijah reference is surprisingly insider (Elijah just isn't as famous as Chaz), and Cher’s headdress keeps bouncing around in the over-the-shoulder shots, annoyingly upstaging the Sonny (which is just an overkill short joke).

For me, this skit tries a bit too hard, goes on for too long, and has the quality of amateur night. And the theme song is just dippy. If you love Family Guy and Flight of the Concords  or read any kind of snarky celebrity blog Dlisted or Defamer, the bar is set awfully high for irreverent, snarky pop culture roastings.

The kids today are faster, meaner, smarter and at the end of the day funnier.

Again, Eddie Izzard – what say you? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjC3R6jOtUo

In other news: William Shatner came out recently in support of Lucy the Elephant. The USS Missouri is dry docked. And predictably the Witches of Eastwich TV show sucks.

  

Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday to Me!

I was born on this day at 7ish in the evening all those 40 years ago. My mother said I made her feet swell up that summer and so she couldn't wear shoes. She also said I cried all night right after I was born.

I'm sure I was cold and probably didn't like my pillow. "Can I get some service around here?"

To the left is what Cher looked like at approximately 40 years of age circa 1986. (not sure when this photo was taken but its around there somewhere). She looks pretty damn good. I do not look this good. But I am hanging in there.

I love 40, honestly, and have been looking forward to it. Strangely I feel like a wise Latina even though I am not Latina. I feel sassy, mischievous, and ready to stir up some fun trouble.

I celebrate my day by reading some quotes from this Cher-loving blog.
http://halfahundred.blogspot.com/2009/07/quotes-from-cher.html

During a recent interview with Tina Turner on Oprah, Cher said she hated growing old. "What about wisdom?" asked Oprah. "F*ck wisdom!" Cher replied.

I would F*ck wisdom.

See? I'm starting already!

I'm Back!

...back from feelin ill and back from my bachelorette party in La Lovely Las Vegas. It’s true...it is a bit early for my bachelorette party but my MOH is a busy party planner for a major Internet company and our open weekend bash dates were a bit limited.

Turns out we had a great time on the trip we dubbed "Gals Gone Mildly Wild." We lounged in a cabana (which came complete with cabana boys) at Mandalay Bay pool, swam in the wave pool and lazy river, ate a swanky dinner at MIX, atop our swanky room at Mandalay’s THEhotel, danced at the MIX nightclub with its awesome views of the strip, shopped, sniffed flowers at the Bellagio, had a toy party, took an iPhone purity test at the Peppermill lounge and saw the Cirque du Soleil show Zumanity.

When I got back, I saw this link posted to the Cher list from Janet Charlton’s Hollywood gossip site: http://www.janetcharltonshollywood.com/not-just-the-same-old-cher/

Cher …she’s psyched herself up so she can return to performing at Caesar’s Palace in September with a splashy new look. She told Bob Mackie she wants a whole new set of stage costumes. She’s tired of everything and wants to update her look. Money is no object. Mackie’s staffers are hard at work creating a new Cher and her fans might be advised to catch her show again.

Someone on the Cher list quipped, “change the set list please.”

Alas kids, we’ve been here before…during last year’s break in fact, anticipating Cher’s year 2 changes which amounted to nothing more than two song changes (which were awesome) and one new outfit.

Big disappointment that was and I’m not falling for it again. The hope of changes, that is. I am falling for going to see the show again. I can’t help it. That’s why I’m deemed obsessed. Irrationally giving over of my hard-earned cash to fill Cher’s coffers.

And the pain of my celebrity-obsessed conflict solidified as I watched the burlesque version of Circe du soliel, Zumanity.

Everything about Zumanity was awesome: the sound, the colors, the performers. All of it tugged at your heart and stroked your mind. I felt the same way about Le Reve. And all of this Cirque greatness is what prompted one reviewer of Cher’s show last year to ask if Cher and her people had even seen the other shows?

Because for a comparable price you can go see better aerialists, better stage effects, better comedy and all pulled together…like buttah! It’s all just so much more creative. Either compete with that or do something completely different.

So if someone asks me if they should see the Cher show, I always say yes. But if they ask me what is the one show they should they see in Las Vegas, I would have to say O or Le Reve or Zumanity.   Especially if they’ve already seen Cher on her Farewell Tour. Because it's practically the same music set.

But I never hesitate to tell them to get ahold of a bootleg copy of Celebration at Caesars.

To thank the lovely ladies who traveled to my bachelorette party in Vegas (from Los Angeles, St. Louis and Cleveland), I sent them this kewl card from the Cher style website.

    

Cher Scholar Flu

While I spent that last two weeks coughing, sleeping in delirium and getting more and more depressed about the money I'm losing being off sick from work, I heard the Ramones' song "We Want the Airwaves" and I thought it was kind of a shame Cher didn't record with them. I don't know if this was my fever talking, but at the time I thought they would all sound very good together. And what a rebellious thing to do from everyone involved. 

And that's been my only semi-deep Cher thought over the last two weeks.

I'm a bit freaked out being so sick so long because a) I don't want prolonged illness to jeopardize a job I love, b) my bachelorette party is quickly approaching (which means there will be no post next week either) and I don't want my illness to ruin it, and c) uh...I'm paying for my wedding -- I need cash and more cash and ever day on the couch brings no cash.

Good wedding news there is, however. We had our rings designed and finished by artist Myrthus Koinva, a new Hopi artist near Keams Canyon, Arizona. And our invitations (designed by by bf and his former greeting-card business partner) are finished and being printed. They are so cool!

Other positive things to focus on: I've finished a few new poems (one inspired by my new discovery of Walt Whitman) and I did get a chance to read the latest Rolling Stone article on Gregg Allman, which was minorly interesting and didn't mention Elijah (who just had a birthday) but did talk about other son Devon and his band Honeytribe and the breakup of his umpteenth marriage where Gregg is finally beginning to wonder: hey, maybe its me. Definitely an inch progress on that front.

But then I come back to work after another day of being sick, I found the office is out of diet coke and I'm now being forced to drink diet Dr. Pepper.

Cher may love Dr. Pepper. But Cher Scholar does not.

Wah.

 

Car Through House and Music on My Playlist

...so yesterday I had just gotten off the phone to tell my friend that the Branson, Missouri, documentary at L.A. Film Fest was sold out, when I walked into the living room and gave Franz and my bf some hassle-ment for napping and then started to walk into my kitchen when out of my periphery vision I saw a car fly out of nowhere into my neighbor's house. It was very odd and loud. It was like the woman in the car was time traveling and had mis-set her coordinates back to the future. I expected Christopher Lloyd to step out. The woman suffered injuries but I'm not sure to what extent. She was taken away on a stretcher, but she was talking. Thankfully, the boy and the two German Shepherds who play often in the yard and the parents were safe, literally minutes from returning from a baseball game. Click pics to enlarge.

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 Songs on my latest iPod list:

1. Foreground - Grizzly Bear

2. Wavin' Flag - K'naan

3. I Will Survive - Cake

4. We Both Go Down Together - The Decemberists

5. Fight Test - Flaming Lips

6. Laughing With (God) - Regina Spektor

7. Tell Me It's Not Over - Starsailor

8. St. Kitt's Woman - Tower of Power

9. Fighting My Way Back - Thin Lizzy

10. Chastity Sun - Cher

Where Cher and I Have Been

There’s so much news to chat about I think my head will explode. I just had my bridal shower. A beautiful day and at the house of my friend Julia (who I met years ago when I first moved to LA and worked at Agribuys, a now-defunct agribusiness technology company). Her house has awesome harbor and ocean views off the coast of San Pedro. We had fabulous Mexican food made by her husband and played three games-- one trivia game about us that my mother won (I was honestly surprised by that), another game where everybody filled out a list of their likes and dislikes. Then all the women lined up behind the groom and all the men behind the bride and the person with the most in common with each one was deemed their “perfect match.” My bf ended up with a co-worker (who I suspect wasn’t really paying attention to the game and so in confusion never sat down) and I ended up with a childhood friend from Albuquerque. Then we played The Newlywed Game with five couples which included my parents. The last question was “What is the last day of the week you made whoopee.” When it came to me I said emphatically that I was indeed a virgin. My Dad’s card read “What is whoopee?” My parents ended up winning the game. No cards were slammed on spouses heads.

While my parents were in town we also visited Catalina (more quiet and quaint than you’d think on a weekday), Seal Beach for lunch at Walt’s Warf, Pasadena to view some possible wedding program paper, Huntington Library to see The Blue Boy and the HUUGE gardens, and The Charles Lummis House. Talk about a contrast in gardens! The poor Lummis house is dilapidated! He was such a founding part of California history...quite a shame. My parents also helped us planting flowers, and we showed them our future wedding site and talked over wedding favor chocolates we want to get from Wilburs Chocolates, my parents’ local chocolatier.

My most recent opinions on news events:

1. Torture: you can’t be for the sanctity of life and for torture.

2. Susan Boyle: the subtext of this story offends me. To get excited about it presumes that we are so surprised that homely people have talent...when it’s obvious to everyone and their dog that talent comes in all shapes and sizes. So on behalf of all homely, unusual or average looking people, and Susan Boyle,  FU!

Speaking of pretty people....Cher was at Kate Hudson’s birthday party (in case you live under a rock, Hudson is Goldie Hawn’s daughter).

 

 

 

 

News items on the Hudson party:

http://www.themedpartysupplies.com/party-news/cher-timberlake-get-hudsons-party-started-world-entertainment-news-via-yahoo-uk-ireland-news/

http://celebs2day.com/celebrity-news/cher-amp-timberlake-get-hudsons-party-started/

http://sify.com/movies/hollywood/fullstory.php?id=14882012

Cher also attended an Norman Jewison tribute in LA and gave good speech. She allegedly also defended her choice of lobbying for Nicholas Cage for his role in Moonstruck.

 

 

 

 

News items on Jewison tribute:

• http://www.cherworld.com/news/?p=735
• http://anthonygeorge.wordpress.com/2009/04/20/as-hollywood-watches-cher-finally-thanks-her-moonstruck-mentor-jewison-for-her-oscar-at-last/
• http://www.google.com/hostednews/canadianpress/article/ALeqM5gxSKHiLoPQ3e-Hhph6yr7u5B1CNg

On a related note, here is a Nicolas Cage Movie Plot Generator: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bkFIPLIOGL8/Sd6OQbdcsxI/AAAAAAAAfZU/FKFtOHBxnJI/s1600-h/nicolas-cage-movie-plot-generator.jpg
 

Chastity Turns 40

My parents are visiting for the first time in three years, first time since I've been living in sin with my bf--to help with wedding stuff. We're going to visit the place who may be selling us our program paper, visit the wedding site and getting the house fixed up a bit. So I'll be MIA here for the next two weeks. After that we have a store-load of links to catchup on.

It went virtually un-remarked on but Chastity celebrated her 40th birthday this past March 4. (I had to look that date up – for some reason I thought she was a April baby.) Like me, Chastity was born in 1969. I still recall how put-out I was the she was, in fact, older than me. I have no idea why that mattered to my 8-year old self. I must have felt she was America's little sister--since obviously Sonny & Cher were our fantasy hipper alt-parents.

Turning 40 is an awesome milestone--but even moreso if you were born in 1969. Myself, I always felt a bit charmed to have been born that magical year.Editor Kit Rachlis of LA Magazine in a recent "letter from the editor" spoke about what a historic year 1969 really was. She says

“2009 is the 40th anniversary of something significant...By any measure, 1969 was momentous. With Woodstock, the counterculture—a small bohemian movement scattered around the country—reached critical mass and found its emblem. The Tate-LaBianca murders  confirmed what everyone should have known: Violence and manipulation swam alongside all that peace and love.”

Kit catalogues the fury that was 1969: Woodstock, The Tate-LaBianca murders, first manned mission to land on the moon, the November march against the Vietnam War (more than 500,000—then the largest demonstration in U.S. capital history), and she even lists one of the most momentus but completely unreported events of that year – the invention of the Internet and the first message sent from a UCLA computer.

The company the coordinates the technical aspects of the Internet is my major employer right now; and the publishing revolution enables me to research news articles and encyclopedic entries on Armenia yesterday without going to a library, meet Cher fans for the last 10 years without having to wait for conventions, buy a new Cher CD release while sitting on my couch with my pajamas and slippers on, and blog about what I think of it to youse guys.

As Kit says “everyone on the planet has been affected by the Internet.”

And yet Kit tells the story of how disinterested the Smithsonian was in collecting that very first computer that sent that very first Internet communication-–for years the Smithsonian didn’t see its value!

Kit states: “In our mania to make predictions and sweeping pronouncements and top-ten lists...to come up with instant analysis, whether on TV or in blogs, we invariably reflect our blinkered view. We adhere to a conformity we’re not alert to.”

And then she quotes film critic Steve Erickson who says in the same LA Magazine issue

“…the most radical notion of all is that a great movie…is still great even if it has no audience.” 

We didn’t notice how great the invention of the Internet was and to some degree I don’t think we still fully grasp it even now. But in many ways, it is not our task to fully grasp it -- it’s just our task to play it out. 

My 40th birthday will arrive this summer. I am looking forward to it. I'm proud of my battle scars and I do feel wiser and stronger and happier and more appreciative of moments and less willing to put up with bullshit. I’m even more convinced today than I was when I was a little girl watching The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour and thinking that Chastity was younger than me that Cher records are great, even though they don’t have a full-fledged audience yet and even though institutions and critics like the Smithsonian don't get it yet. ;-)

I’m 40 now. I know some things.

  

Poem of the Week

Not sure if I’ll keep this poetry posting up but…

I found this when looking through my books for wedding ceremony poems.

"won't you celebrate with me"

Lucille Clifton was much honored on the east coast poetry circuit where I studied in graduate school.

Click the link to read the full poem:

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=181377

Wow! What resilience!

"what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.

...

what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay,
my one hand holding tight
my other hand; come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed."