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Fans Keep Chaz Dancing

Week2 The introduction of the cast shows there are an inordinate amount of blondes on this show. And the music, is that a recycled Oscar theme from the 80s?

This week Chaz's performance was too slow for the quick step; but I loved the ripped-off version of Joan Jett's version of the Mary Tyler Moore Show theme. This is a version I wanted to play at my wedding but I nixed it because I felt it was too self-referential. It was my wedding and all but I didn’t want it be all about me, you know.

The judges remarked on Chaz's likeability, calling him a little ewok even. They also remarked on Chaz's "circumstances," those being the bad knee and ankle but also noted that this is the "territory of this show" and that "charm takes you so far." Chaz needs to stop complaining about his age, weight and blown-out-knees (probably due to carrying around too much weight all these years) UNLESS the strategy is to get votes out of sympathy pleas. Chaz already looks thinner by the way.

His scores were 6,5,6 but since all scores skewed higher this week, he ended up at the absolute bottom. In audience votes, Chaz ended up in the bottom three with David Arquette and Elisabetta Canalis (who was too stiff and lost votes probably from her scenes of bitchiness). George Clooney arm-candy ended up going. I'm glad because I'm starting to feel like Arquette has deep-down self-confidence issues.

As for the others, Chynna Phillips is very good and graceful and is helping me get that short-haired pixie from the 90s out of my head. I keep seeing her former bandmate Carnie Wilson on Celebrity Ghost Stories and Celebrity Dreams Decoded. She's looking tired out. Ricki Lake is beautiful and showed great legs this week. I think I have a girl crush on her. Carson Kressley continues to be fun. Nancy Grace. Now I noticed lots of people not clapping for her so I read up on all her scandals. Ick. J.R. Martinez is so so good. Rob Kardashian was last week's lowest score and I'm agnostic about him this week. Hope Solo is still doing soccer events so it's amazing she's hanging in there. Kristin Cavallari—I still don’t dislike this gal yet.

Another transgendered individual called into Stephanie Miller's radio show this week and said Chaz was great, down to earth, and they couldn’t have asked for a better advocate.

There's a rumor circulating that Chaz is being courted to host Saturday Night Live with Cher as a musical guest (good time to push that new single). Oh wouldn't that be sweet. It's the closest we'd ever get to a Sonny & Cher variety show reunion, kids. Absolutely dreamy.

 


The Big Street

Bigstreet This 1942 film was our least favorite of Cher's four TCM choices. Cher called it a woman’s film and said she cried when she saw it. Lucille Ball plays Gloria Lyons, one mean bitch throughout the whole movie. As Cher says, she came up the hard way. Cher calls "Little Pinks" played by Henry Fonda sweet and also said she loves Eugene Pallette who plays a man named Nicely Nicely. He was indeed a very nice fellow. Robert Osbourne called the movie "offbeat" and noted that it's hard to care what happens to Lucille's character. It is.

The movie started with a competitive eating scene. Great, I thought. My husband loves competitive eating contests. But it went wacky from there. Gloria plays a bitchy coming-up Diva who is sporadically nice to Pinks, her number one fan. She pushes her mobster boyfriend too far and he pushes her down a flight of stairs. She suffers a mysterious old-Hollywood movie illness after that. Is it a spinal injury?

She lays in bed for many scenes and then talks Henry Fonda into walking her wheelchair from NYC to Florida. That must be the big street. John and I found it hard to care about either Gloria or Pinks (or their enabling friends). But our one disagreement was over the Lucy Issue. I feel that Lucille Ball plays nasty like an artist, a natural. Which is what has always made her sitcom I Love Lucy so maddening for me to watch. I don't really like the bumbling ditz character to begin with (see Gomer Pyle). But many Gen X gals find Lucy Ricardo hard to identify with as she was so dependent on Ricky and he treated her more like a child than a wife. It's a generational thing. I can’t see myself rewatching those old shows again unless it’s to try to catch Cher’s Mom in the Paris episode where Cher noted she played one of the models. Cher said she played extras in other episodes as well. 

Cher knew Lucille from these times and from running into her at a club or Jack Benny party (the famous Johnny-Carson-bans-Cher-into-another-room story, in this TCM version she elaborates about meeting Rosalind Russell in the other room and Roselind telling her she could be an actress someday).

So for Lucy, I love her in her small movie parts (Stage Door especially). She deserved more movie vehicles in which to shine. But she was too mean in this one. Not enough moments of reformation. For this kind of character, Jack Nicholson nailed it in As Good As it Gets. You can see the character working through it.

John however does not like Lucille Ball in any capacity. Period. He also finds writer Damon Runyon’s penchant for creating quirky and quaint crooks annoyingly naive and old-fashioned. He also complained not a little bit about the fantastical premise.

Then there's the celebrity obsession issue. Even as a person who has been often caught up in a celebrity obsession or two, I wanted to slap Henry Fonda and tell him to snap out of it. He abandons and exploits a hellofalotta friends for his questionable star. He needs to question where he finds value in his life. And re-evaluate his on-the-ground relationships. At least they could have made him a waiter.

The star-wannabie Gloria is herself stalking a rich guy all the way to Florida; they even kidnap him for the final scene (creepy). Kidnapping a man she claimed she didn’t even love early on in the movie. She just saw him as a ticket from poverty.

Then there's the Henry Fonda Issue. He's not my favorite actor. He was always so serious. That said, I loved him in the sentimental On Golden Pond and in the very heady 12 Angry Men. It is great to see how that jury works. Inspired by it, I used its tactics on the one jury trial I was on. And it worked! Miraculously! We moved from most votes guilty to one hold-out guilty in just three voting rounds. That last guy held out for two more rounds. There was no evidence in our trial but the hold-out-guy felt the guy “seemed guilty.”

The Big Street is also about failed dreams and class issues in the way that stardom can take you out of the yucky class. It's also a story about not having health insurance. Gloria has to sell off all her jewelry to pay her hospital bills and then must move in with her number one fan.

The wheelchair-bound Lucy reminded me of the Cher character in Faithful…it was a prop that inhibited their performances. Which brings me back to the old-hollywood movie mystery illness, where all the gals die of heartbreak. Gloria falls down the stairs and the doctors label her "very sick" not "injured." She slowly dies of it. In the final death throes, the doctor says she has delusions of grandeur (maybe Fonda exacerbated that by getting everyone to call her Your Highness). The doctor's final diagnosis is paranoia, which he says means "she believes she’s something she’s not." (The Princess Bride character Inigo Montoya would say: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.")

Gloria does not believe in love and her switch-to-sweet at the end is a little too little, a little too late. Early on she says, “Love is something that gives you one room, two chins and three kids." On the other hand, no love gets you wheelchairs and paranoia.

This was my first Agnes Moorehead movie (that I know of). And I’ve decided I really like Agnes Moorehead.

At the end of the four films, Robert and Cher talked about Cher's favorite films: Gaslight, On Borrowed Time. Cher says she has movies playing in the background when getting ready to work. She says it's calming. She likes Moon Over Miami, Road to Morrocco…all Road movies, Fred & Ginger movies, Gene Kelly movies, Meet Me in St. Louis, which she says has a perfect story and actors (growing up in STL, I loved this movie,especially Judy Garland singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." This is one of my favorite movie scenes AND favorite Christmas song performances. It's so heart-hurting. I love the sad Xmas songs. Cher also loves Now Voyager, All Through the Night with Bogart. Cher asks "Where is Lionel Barrymore when you need him?" They end talking about Casablanca and Cher calls this TMC hosting project “my holiday from myself.”

I loved this very Cher-like holiday from Cher. It was great fun. And I thought it took some balls to pick some imperfect but rarely-shown movies instead of the Classics with a big C. It shows she is really in the trenches of classic-movie-fandom.

 

 


Razmataz Chaz

Chazbono Dancing with the Stars played for 4 hours this week! Are you kidding me? I couldn't stand the chatty stuff in the last 2 horus so I had to fast forward to the Chaz parts.

 

 

 

People on the show who I know

  • Chaz
  • Chynna Phillips – thank you for being another celebrity I know. Although I did not like you in Wilson Phillips, I’m suspending my dislike of your snappy hair tosses and your crossed-legged poses on grassy fields while singing insipid tunes just because I’m feeling old and know barely half of this cast. Incidentally, Chynna is a good dancer.
  • David Arquette—I'm rooting for this recovering alkie.
  • Ricki Lake—I love her and always think she’ll go far in her endeavors.
  • Carson Kressley—From Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, he's one of my fantasy gay brothers. But my least favorite for some unknown reason. There's something kind of off about him. Is it his lips? His snarky quips that sound artificially flaming? I can’t place it. John read his book on style and not showing chest hair over tshirts. John is rooting for Carson.

People on this show I don’t know

  • Nancy Grace—She's a TV legal analyst (is she like Greta van Susteren during the OJ trial?)
  • J.R. Martinez—an Iraq vet and motivational celebrity—this dude is a happy inspiration—we’re both rooting for him.
  • Rob Kardashian—don’t know him but I feel for him.
  • Ron Artest—The NBA star and the first to get booted this week. I can only think this was because he danced first or maybe because he changed his name to something silly. He was certainly cute and charismatic enough to stay.
  • Hope Solo—She's the professional soccer gal. I don’t know her but I LOVE HER for being the tough sports chick on the show. She’s my favorite female competitor.
  • Elisabetta Canalis—model and former beard to George Clooney. Just kidding. Her days are numbered though.
  • Kristin Cavallari—I barely know her from a cameo she did on The Family Guy. She doesn’t suck.

Chaz made a great showing. The host called him Razmataz Chaz. I was honestly worried for him in the beginning behind-the-scenes when he started making grimaces and excuses (being too old). But by showtime, he came through. He was cuddly and cute just as described. I was expecting clumsy but we got some flare.

I'm not sure yet about the facial hair thing. He must be experiencing facial hair euphoria and I hope Carson Kressley can step in and put and end to that.

John remarked that he seems so much happier. Others remarked that he exuded joy and cuteness. The shows hosts went to great lengths to be positive about his appearance and they kept asking him how he was dealing with the controversy. Chaz continually avoided the negative and thanked his supporters. Judges were positive but he ended up with a score of 6, 5 and 6 which put him at 17, squarely in the middle ranks of all the contestants.

Since episode one, social conservatives have been slamming his appearance during the family viewing hour. Some good articles on the drama:


My Stuff Marooned on My Parents' Lawn

IMG_0481 This is a picture of some of the last of my stuff that I've had stored in my parents basement for the last 20 years as it's being loaded on to a United Van Lines truck.

This is a shipment that includes about 30 boxes of Cher stuff, all my childhood tchotchkes, that green chair I inherited from my grandmother and many, many other things.

It also includes this somewhat large dollhouse you see in the picture. When I was a baby, my grandmother from New Mexico gave me savings bonds (probably for college or something). When I was eleven, I instead cashed them in for a Victorian dollhouse that my Dad ended up building shingle by shingle. When I was about 19, my grandfather moved in with us from Reedsport, Oregon. He helped me finish the outside work on it. I remember how he used to spend about ten minutes organizing all the glue and wood before we got going each night, telling me how important organizing things was.

My Dad had actually already built me another dollhouse (from scratch) when I was about 4 or 5 that looked like The White Hosue. Then when I was 27 years old, my parents moved from St. Louis to the Lancaster Pennsylvannia area. Before the move, my Dad told me he would only move one dollhouse, not both of them. What? It was a very traumatic decision somewhat like Sophie's Choice. I chose this one.

And I'm 42 years old now and it's time to get my stuff moved out so I can finish the dollhouse project before I die. My mom emailed me this picture this morning as the truck was being loaded. I guess my stuff has kind of gotten attached to my parents. I think the dollhouse was symbolic of something...like my childhood...because seeing the thing out on my parents lawn has made me weepy all day.

I've very happy to get my stuff and all; I guess it's just a bit sad to be finally moving out.

 


Follow The Fleet

Follow the Fleet - Bake & Sherry This is not how we're used to seeing Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers, without his top hat and her glamour gown.

But that didn't bother me because I've never seen a Fred and Ginger movie. And this 1936 tale has grown on me.

I thought Fred was cute as a sailor with his odd-shaped head hidden under that white sailor's hat. His awesome sailor's bell bottoms, which pre-dated Cher's by 30 years, moved nicely through the choreography, which we see soon in the first scene on the naval ship, which reminds you uncontrollably of the "Turn Back Time" video.

In Cher's intro, she mentions Fred and Ginger's elegance and how they "rise above the material." The story is a bit fluffy but Ginger and Fred are captivating together with their fussin' and a sparin'.

Cher mentions that her favorite song in the movie is "Get Behind Me Satan" and I guess it's my husband's favorite song too because he sang it to me at the Buffalo Thunder buffet last weekend when I talked him into eating a bite of my cheese cake.

I keep missing the Betty Grable appearance but I cannot miss the Lucille Ball appearance. As Osbourne and Cher agree, she always stands out in her cameos.

This is another movie about stage performers trying to make a living. Ginger is a struggling singer and dancer trying to go solo after success in a duo act with Fred. Fred has been in the Navy for a few years since their relationship faltered.

I appreciated the song "I’m Putting All My Eggs in One Basket" because that's exactly what the supporting actress, Harriet Hilliard, does throughout her plot thread. She  plays Ginger's sister who has suddenly blossomed with a makeover. She's stuck on the first man she meets, Bilge, a lout who only shows signs of humanity when he's made to understand there's a ship in it for him. But Harriet's character is dim in the love department. She wears her ball gown to cook for her man and talks marriage on the first date.

In these old movies, the girls cry with glassy eyes and no tears. But they also say funny things to each other like Ginger says to her sister: "You look too darn intelligent. Girls gotta be dolled up nowdays. It takes a lotta brains to be dumb."

I did get somewhat tired of Irving Berlin's score, which used the same song ("Let Yourself Go") over and over. But this was the depression after all; maybe they were trying to save money and recycle a theme.

The movie slightly touches on class issues as it has in the other Cher TCM picks. For example, in Hobson's Choice there was a class divide between Willie (a laborer) and Maggie's family (business owners). Here there is an official naval class divide between the crew (Fred Astaire and company) and the officers. Ginger plays off this tension to get back at Fred during the party scene.

Rogg020 Fred and Ginger as you are used to seeing them (to the left).

Of course the movie provides a great ballroom dance and these are always worth your attention.

I loved the ship backdrop in this scene. It reminds me of dining out in Long Beach.

 


Rock Seen by Bob Gruen

S&c Ahhh, the sweet smell of almost-respect.

Entertianment Weekly's September 2nd issue includes a review of music-photographer Bob Gruen's new book of rock icons.

The snapshot review is titled "Legends on the Loose" and the five examples of representative legends chosen to showcase are Debbie Harry on Coney Island in 1977, The Ramones on their way to CBGB's in 1975, KISS posing for an album cover in 1974, John Lennon in Yonkers in 1975 and...wait for it...Sonny & Cher in the picture to the left taken on Lexignton Avenue in New York City in 1973.

Melissa Maerz calls the book "a disarmingly natural look at icons like Blondie and Cher before the era of the posed rock-star portrait kicked in."

Don't they look groovy?

But what a list of heavyweights to be included with. In the last decade, Cher's been making it into more and more of these lists of "legends." Like the theory of Starstruck, The Business of Celebrity suggests, it's all about who you're seen with.

 


A Real Farewell Tour

Cherglen One of my favorite Cher covers of all time is her 1975 Cher Show cover of Glen Campbell's "Rhinestone Cowboy."

Sad news was reported in the September 2nd issue of Entertainment Weekly. Glen Campbell is embarking on a true farewell tour (and final album). He's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

Campbell had a rennaisance in 2008 with his album Meet Glen Campbell. His last album, Ghost on the Canvas, was just released this year to good reviews.

As you recall, Glen Campbell was a member of The Wrecking Crew, the studio musicians in LA who recorded with everyone involved in the Southern California sound, including Sonny & Cher (I wish that documentary on those guys would come out on DVD already), and Cher performed with Glen on both The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour in 1969 and on The Sonny & Cher shows of the 1970s.

Although now polar opposites in political speak, those crazy kids once had real duet chemistry!

One of their best from 1977 (stick to the end for the duet).

"And offers comin over the phone"
Glen: I got three offers today.
Cher: Just three, huh?
Glen: That's all.

 


Hobson’s Choice

Hobsons%20choice%20PDVD_015%20 The second favorite movie from Cher’s TCM session was Hobson’s Choice. John actually watched this one with me and this was his favorite. (He watched all of them except Lady of Burlesque.)

The movie was directed by David Lean, famous for his big epics like Lawrence of Arabia, A Passage to India and The Bridge on the River Kwai and Doctor Zhivago….all of which I’m ashamed to say I have not seen.

Robert Osbourne labels Hobson’s Choice one of Lean's least known films. Lean made “this small overlooked film” in 1954, the year before he directed Katharine Hepburn in the very colorful Summertime, which I did see. That was the movie where Hepburn fell into that Venetian water and got an eye infection that made her eyes look very watery forever after.

In the TCM introduction, Cher talks about her favorite actresses: Ginger Rodgers, Ingrid Bergman, the Hepburn girls, both whom she met, saying Katharine was “tough.” She felt Bette Davis was transfixing but "so stylized."

About Hobson’s Choice, Cher says fabulous a few times and is particularly mesmerized by David Lean’s unique shots…from the first shot of the boot shoe sign to the scene where Charles Laughton is drunk and entranced by the moon in a puddle. She says the movie is about hope and remarks on the cast. She quotes Robert Altman as saying if you get the cast, you are 80% there. She also says the movie is a story told through hairstyles. Maggie’s hair goes from severe to soft as she falls in love. She describes Willie as having Alfalfa hair until he goes through his Maggie makeover.

John said it was like a Fiddler on the Roof story where a father loses control of all of his daughters. The father, played by Charles Laughton, acts like an ass and looks strikingly like Humpty Dumpty. I saw his character as funny but vaguely threatening as severely controlling fathers can be. But Willie was 100% adorable. He gets the rare male-makeover in this movie and his lines gave us the most laughs as he  transformed from the messy and illiterate shoemaker into the sophisticated architect of his own business. Even his accent changes.

And the shots were beautiful to watch. I would also give a shout out to the lighting.

My only criticism would be that our heroine, Maggie, didn’t meet a single challenge until the final scene when Willie argues with her over the name on the store sign. Every single scheme of hers worked as planned. Am I too tainted by the formulaic movies since the 70s? Give that runner a hurdle please.

By Gum!

 


Summer of Tweets

Sees There were a tons of tweets in June and July.

June:

Cher earned the Connnector(50) sticker on @GetGlue; she continued to work on her duet with her mom and the three mom solos: “we were able to spin straw to gold,” “Love Me Tender” and “Moving On” are songs she mentions; she says she is “high (as the sky) maintenance, "can’t kid myself! –got some good & some wicked little Bitchie-ie! NOBODY’S PERFECT”; she adores Lady Gaga; says “I wish I had a penny 4 every time I f’d up! I’d b up to my ass in pennies! I am So Not a Role Model”; she angrily defends her tweets, her sense of humor and her dyslexia (all of which are not worth the time and energy to defend…all tweets are hieroglyphics); she admonishes her tweet critics: “U want some cheese with that whine U babies”  (That’s more like it); she talks about her cat Mr. Big found on the Believe tour under a truck, “Some hotels don’t take animals” (Not even for Cher?????), she shows off her claws & paws; she’s still talking about her olive sandwich recipe; she finds the Mike Douglas clip of her appearance with her sister and mom on YouTube; she says “Fk u” to a mean poster; asks Kathy Griffin to pick her up some bath oil in London; she talks about her album Not.com.mercial being the stories of her life and observations; when she played “ Sisters of Mercy” her mom cried; says Tea Baggers are killing the spirit of the country; is willing to donate her social security back to those who need it saying “This country has made a poor girl Rich”; says she is not a good Buddhist but will grow; calls Elijah Lijah; is nervous at parties; loves both versions of a “Whiter Shade of Pale” by Procol Harem and Annie Lennox; when asked how she gets confidence, she says “pray x my fingers & jump”; tells someone they are unkind and 2 try Buddha; later apologizes to them: “please accept my Apology! I need 2 try Buddha! Guess I am the unkind Biatch!”; it looks like Chaz’s dog Shorty might have passed away—Cher expresses sympathy; jokes with Kathy Griffin: “I’m Cher”; takes pics with Zimmercan and his suit for her party (which was this month after all); says that at her party people cried and the food was amazing (Moroccan BBQ shrimp), loves jammiejams.com and Moonstruck Marmalade; says Obama is “breaking my heart and his promises”; calls Exon scumbags and asks that “Dems grab your collective balls and stand up 4 your people”; asks about her tweet haters: “Why are these people following me? I wouldn’t follow someone I didn’t respect” (because you’re a big celebrity); says has been alive through 12 presidents and “If I don’t have the right 2 speak about my country now, when will I?” (good point); says the 14 year-old violinist at her party was amazing and the 9 year-old pianist was cute; is editing her mom project with Peter Honess who did LA Confidential, Fast & Furious, If These Walls Could Talk; set up editing bay in her court-yard bedroom; she struggles with iPhone technology… “I’m in Tech Hell”; calls Michele Bachmann a Tea Bag Pinup girl … “someone call Bellevue and ask if they’re missing several million SEVERELY SICK ATIENTS!”; she admits they didn’t film the Caesars Palace shows; says Vegas audience was too old “U know…almost my age ha ha”; she plays wii; says “ I’m not amazing. I’m good bad selfish selfless bitch angel, piss everyone in my family off and am there when they need me; says “I thought I was madly in love every 11 mins from the time I was 12 till I met Son!” says when she’s upset “ I spin my wheels cry’n throw myself on my bed like the Drama Queen God made Me”; she likes Babs (Streisand) and Jim (James Brolin); says “if it’s not chocolate it’s not worth it”; talks about working in See’s Candy Store when she left home at age 16. “It was Heaven! Ahh air scented w/Choc 24/7”; hates Michele Bachmann’s husband's anti-gay speech…says her Gay-Dar is going off! “GAYGAYGAYGAYGAY… without Style.”

Whew…now on to July:

Cher+Frozen After her Bachman rants she says “I’m not calm but I got so upset I tired myself out!”; gives show biz advise: “Talent is raw! U must sweat & cry & never give up! B able 2 leave home and those you love”; asks “Can I do this on my iPad? God! I knew tech would be the death of me!! I just didn’t think it would look like a little cute bird”; says Hillary is “Very sweet! I’m sorry that part of her doesn’t come Across” (it really doesn’t); gets visited by her singing teacher and goes into the recording studio July 7-9; says she doesn’t do marathon recording sessions and that “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me” took 2 hours a night to record for 2-3 nights. (Does she have bad memories of the marathon Sonny sessions?); says to Kathy Griifin “I’m sending a ghost to haunt your house”; hits her ankle on the step to her bed (if she didn’t insist on having a bed sitting on a platform like a princess, that probably wouldn’t happen); dreams of grilled cheese and hot fudge Sundays and See’s candy; worked at the Sees in Beverly Hills with old blue haired woman. “They were 100!”; she specialized in Easter baskets; there was no party after the Zookeeper premiere (“You can really hear me sing More Than a Feeling at the end”); says “The republicans would step over the bodies of old people & children to get tax exemptions for the rich and Excon”… “btw $$$ doesn’t fkn trickle down, plus who wants a trickle?”; then she feels rant guilt: says to @Bitch Magazine, “Don’t regret or take back one feeling but I don’t need to lay them on your doorstops”; (We’re coming to your door, lady…goodly,the moratorium on the ranting doesn’t last long); on July 13 finished first track of the new cd, Lady Gaga’s “You Are the Greatest Thing To Me” which is not duet yet; invites Kathy to celebrate her emmy nom, says is “not a dem INDY”; talked tour with Roger & Lindsay, including ideas, stage songs, adding "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" (YHSTHOM), recreating “Welcome to Burlesque”….but feels touring is too lonely; asks for our top 10 fav songs (methinks she would never do mine); laments about the stopping of teaching cursive writing, says she sang “Save Up All Your Tears” during a breakup, “remember the song but not the guy!” (Richie Sambora?); says “No one believed in me cept my mom & Son” sang “After All” and “Remember the song & will never 4get the Guy!”; says Peter Cetera couldn’t harmonize on the chorus; someone might have asked her why she’s a gay icon when she replies “Because we feel like outsiders. I think people that like me know that we’re all flawed together and it’s ok”; says “I’m sure most of u don’t like this CD BUT doesn’t Anyone like “THE FALL” (why is she assuming we don’t like that cd?? I thought most fans liked it); talks about writing the songs at a Gothic castle with 30 people, no phones or TV and how they wrote the songs in the day and sang them at night; goes to Paris, Austria and Istanbul; Gaga to put her voice on “The Greatest Thing”; her phone gets NO SERVCIE, “ I hate those 2 words!”; goes to a Buddha center/monastery; after which she comes back and says “Yes I did miss u lovielies! Bet u missed my crazy tweets huh?”; promises “I’m going 2 try 2 tidy up my act…But I love swearing & I’m old so I should be able 2”; when someone tells her they have kidney stones she says, “Son had bad kidney stones, almost lost a kidney”; she’s looking for old Vogue magazines she was in; says the Time Magazine dress was in Vogue first; she laughed a lot watching Get Me to the Greek.

Got all that?